Well it happened today: A. Jason Jones added me, and became Facebook friend number 4800. I have 200 friends to go before Facebook caps me out. In case you didn’t know, Facebook has a 5,000 friend limit. Their reasoning is that, unlike Myspace, they want to limit your contacts to actual friends, and curtail commercial abuses and that sort of thing. I get that. And yet, it feels a bit paternalistic that they get to decide who consenting adults add or accept as ‘friends.’ It’s true, I accept & request people on the basis of shared affinity – people interested in comic books, futures studies, house church & emerging church, fellow authors, et cetera, et cetera…not just my high school & college buddies, co-workers, and flesh-and-blood friends. But so what? I enjoy my e-quaintences, and to some degree they must enjoy me too, or else I’d be pruned from their lists by now. Sometimes I meet a Facebook acquaintances who’s in town over coffee, and we become friends of the more flesh-and-blood sort. Sometimes powerful business partnerships result, or new activist initiatives. Or conferences or meetups or…
You get the picture. Ultimately, social networks are about connecting people, in all the weird & wonderful ways we choose to get connected. And please, Facebook, let’s not mince words: You are in this as a commercial endeavor. And while it’s true that less than 3% of us are at or approaching the 5,000 friend limit, we use your site a lot. And that’s good for business. And there are more of us out there, every day. (An unlikely crew of Todd Bentley, Mark Driscoll, and Brian McLaren have hit and are hovering around the 5,000 friend limit – goodness gracious)
So what am I to do? Well first off, I’m going to continue approving friend requests as they come in, right up ’till the bitter end of my efriendment capacity. The only people I don’t accept are those that don’t seem to be ‘people’ at all, like stores & such. If its a store I like I’d even approve it, but this friend limit thing has forced me to reconsider. They can create ‘Fan’ pages. Speaking of, I guess the other thing I’m gonna have to do is replace my Facebook profile in the right-hand column of this blog with my Fan profile, which I think is ludicrous on so many levels. For one, Facebook, it goes against my religious beliefs. Don’t laugh: As a decentralized-churcher follower of Jesus, I believe in something called ‘the priesthood of all believers.’ It’s kind a like the UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but before there was a UN. The upshot is, I think we’re all created in the image of God, and we all have equal worth and dignity. I’m not really into a separated clerical caste as such, nor am I into the cult of celebrity. By forcing me to create a Fan page (which I did in as tongue-in-cheek a manner as possible), you’re making me compromise one of my deepest-held spiritual convictions and it’s causing me many sleepless nights. I’m going to send you my therapist’s bills and my confessor’s bills. Okay so you’re not forcing forcing me into it, but still. 
Look, I’ve also heard that you folks have some programming and bandwidth hurdles to overcome in order to lift the friendship ban. At least, that’s what I heard in 2006. Seeing as it’s 2009 now, why don’t we give each other the benefit of the doubt: You’re still leery about some Facebook users wanting over 5,000 friends and we’re frankly leery of your continued inability to technologically accomadate us. So let’s split the difference: Don’t utterly obliterate the friend limit, but double it. Cap us off at 10,000 friends this year, and let’s see how it goes. I guarantee you, this will be a good PR move. There might only be 3% of us who fit into this category, but we all happen to be journalists and/or bloggers. We will be singing your praises, and everyone else will be compelled to listen to this deafening acclamation. So whaddaya say, friends? (I call you ‘friends’ in the broadest, friendliest sense possible…I’m not trying to add you. I promise.)
Oh, and another thing…
While I have your attention, could I bring up one other teensy-weensy thing: I was penalized yesterday for using a third-party application to try and let all my friends know about a free ebook a friend of mine has written. Now when I sign on, my Facebook page fairly assaults me with “
Please Read This! Warning! Your account could be disabled. Danger, Will Robinson! (No, that’s not in their text. It continues…) Your behavior indicates that you may be in violation of Facebook’s Terms of Use. Continued misuse of Facebook’s features could result in your account being disabled. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page.
You should check out http://www.webangelical.com – I think you might enjoy it.
Can I interest you in an another website?
Take your activity (and potentially your friends) elsewhere. I recommend FriendFeed.com, which is basically your your “Wall” outside of Facebook.
All the activity you did on Facebook can be done on other sites (and done better). Post your photos on Flickr.com, update your status on Twitter.com, etc. You have much more control of your data that way too (you will never get your data out of Facebook).
You don’t have to totally drop Facebook, but you change your use of it. Start giving out your twitter name instead of saying “friend me on facebook”. All the cool kids are doing it
I’d just like to say that “ape$#!t” was brilliant.
Mike,
I’m always been kind of overawed at the sheer number of people you touch base with. I have always wondered what drives you to add so many people to your friends list(s). Are you just a naturally free wheelin’ kind of guy who likes people all shapes, sizes, and all hours of the day and night? Do you make as many friends in person as online? And if you make them in person, do they automatically start connecting with you online? I just had to ask, because I never could do that sort of thing–I have to hide from the crowds sooner or later, either online or in person–both. It’s a trait that many successful people have, though–I mean many contacts–not hiding in a corner.
Do you have a Facebook group we can join to support your proposal?
Mike,
What is your real concern? Who cares whether you have 5, 50, 500 or 5,000 Facebook friends? I am one of your Facebook friends and we’ve had some interaction but that’s all.
I am toying with an idea. I think one thing that defines our lives is not how much we can live with but how much we can live without. Do really have a need for 5,000 Facebook friends? Who does? I think you are also out there on LinkedIn and/or Plaxo. You are just begging the question.
Come on, Mike. I think I am smelling some disingenousness (is that a word?).
Peace.
Thanks for the interaction, everyone!
Kevin, I’m loving webangelical.com. Does it aggregate blogs, or are those fresh posts?
Daniel, FriendFeed huh? I’ve heard of it; I guess I’m behind the curve, eh? I feel mildly disoriented by FF, not sure how to use it yet. But I’ll keep engaging it. But if I give out my Twitter feed, won’t I run into the same problem? Don’t they have an upper limit of followers too?
Thanks Irritable.
Kat, it’s either a gift or an addiction! When I first joined Facebook in 2006 or so, I imported my Gmail contacts (then about 6,000, now twice that) to see who I knew who was already in. That automatically started me out at a pretty high friend count! And yes, if I meet someone these days for lunch or coffee or at a gathering or what have you, chances are one of us FB ‘friends’ the other within 24 hours. A by-product of our cyber age, I’d imagine. Is this always healthy? I’m pretty sure not! In my quest for better time management (not to mention more serenity of soul), I’ve been building in daily solitude, in the form of centering prayer before I get on the ROM.
PePa, there is indeed a group you can join! It’s right here.
Ah, Mr. Van Loon. I remember fondly when we first connected. It was the summer of 2006, you emailed me (via zoecarnate.com) seeking resources on skepticism and the church. While our interactions have been few, they have been sweet.
So I guess I don’t understand, why the consternation? So I’m on LinkedIn & Plaxo too…first of all, how would you even know that unless you were on there too?? Tee-hee. I get what you’re saying, about how little can we live with. Ask my wife what she thinks of our 3600 books and 6,000 comic books. To say nothing of the 7500+ links that populate zoecarnate.com. While I’d love to be a Quaker, I’m far too ostentatious. But like every other human on the planet, I’m having to take ’simplicity’ seriously as we enter the second decade of the 21st century. This will likely not result in the reduction of books, but will certainly result in the reduction of my carbon footprint overall. That said, I hope that relationships – dear friends, e-quaintences, whatever – are not placed in the reduction heap.
And that’s about as genuous as I can get.
I don’t understand why people want you to “go somewhere else”…everyone is on Facebook. It is pointless to be somewhere else if not everyone else is there. That and Facebook is a lot better than those others or they would be like Facebook.
Anyway, I like the capper because it goes back to their original intention with the social network site to connect friends who want to be more connected. Friends in this case being people you already know well.
Twitter has no limits (see http://twitter.com/barackobama ) and having thousands of followers wont effect you at all (following thousands will though). If you really do want to follow, search, discover, and interact with thousands of people, Friendfeed is the best since it is real-time but you can hide whatever you want to make it manageable. Information overload is becoming a huge problem as more people move their lives online. (like taking your 3600 books and 6,000 comic books and multiply it by all your connection’s books)
I think the reason Facebook puts a cap on friends because all of their value is in owning your “real” social-graph. Advertisers can target you on Facebook unlike anywhere else. As soon as you can friend anyone, then it’s not “real” anymore. That means decrease in advertising revenue.
Ok, now i’m feeling honoured in all the 5,000 that you have responded on facebook instant chat.. (which ps.. sucks to high heaven- ever notice if you type too fast on it.. it goes into lock!) anyhoo… just sending a hello.. and not on facebook.. though i should feel uber privileged that i’m among your (just under 5,000) fold……. shall you start the feeding of fish and bread soon….
blessings & phat shalom so thick you can’t wash it off with a fire hose!!
cathryn
What’s Facebook?!?
Mike, I just came across this: http://www.joelcomm.com/facebook_booted_me_for_having.html
Just a warning. I think your account will be permanently disabled once you reach that number (which would suck).
I’m more in the camp of Facebook should be used for real life friends, but as you said, you are an adult and can decide for yourself
I’m just trying to warn you that they may not reason with you (or respond to you at all) when you get to 5k.
I have 4100 friends on FB. 200 real friends and 5100 in my Mafia Family. Ok that doesnt add up right? 1200 have left my friends but remain in my mafia. So theoretically I can go up to 5800 friends if I dont erase any more. But I should erase 1600 to get down to half required.
I think they also anticipate from spam